The 23rd has significance for me. It’s bittersweet, the 23rd. It was the day my oldest daughter was born. It was the day my father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer. It was the day, a month later, that he died. It was the day my middle daughter was born. It was the day of my brain surgery. It’s a day that I still pause and remember all that’s happened in my life on the 23rd.

As most families prepare for the holiday weekend, I ride this roller coaster of emotions. As we climb the first hill, slowly and in anticipation…I remember the day my oldest daughter was born. She was happy and calm, a joy to hold and treasure. She looked and me and I looked at her and we fell in love. It was exhilarating.

As we crest the next hill, even though it was 9 years ago, I remember getting that phone call like it was yesterday. I hear Dad has cancer. You never think you’re going to have to hear those words and when they come, they are so unreal. Everything pauses for just a split second. Then the time between when he was diagnosed and the time he died was so breathtakingly short. It was so unfair. It was so hard to see a family who I love, in pain, losing someone who means so much to them.

Their dad, and husband was good and honorable man but he was not a perfect man. He did some things in his life, things that he was later ashamed of, but I witnessed a family truly love him, through and despite it all. It was something I never saw so close before. And because I saw love in action, it reminded me that I can do the same. I wasn’t always so sure.

This ride throws in some twists and turns to keep things interesting. Besides the fact that my middle daughter was the most planned out, and wanted baby, she was a bit more…challenging. She was a high-maintenance baby right from the beginning but I didn’t love her any less. Because of nearly hemorrhaging to death and being rushed to the operating room after she was born, I knew from that moment I needed to hang on for dear life because raising her was going to be one wild ride.

And the latest twist…today is the 7 month anniversary of my brain surgery. Brain surgery is a funny thing. I have had surgery before…a hysterectomy just months before, a few minor procedures before that and a few since the brain surgery…but it’s the brain surgery that sticks out. It’s the brush with death that makes you realize how much you really want to live the snot out of this life. It makes you want to take every opportunity to tell your family and friends that you love them. And reminds you breathe in every moment of your kids’ laughter, their smell and their alive-ness.

There will come a time when I am not so vividly reminded of what day it is, how close to death I was, how much the people who are close to me mean…but until then, I’m going to buckle up and ride this ride.

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