I saw the Cornea Specialist today; he suggested I get rid of this tarsorrhaphy and get a gold weight inserted into my eyelid. The purpose of the gold weight is to help my right eye blink with less effort and protect my cornea from any damage caused by dry-eye from, you guessed it, not blinking.

It makes sense. It makes perfect sense. It’s the logical thing to do.

But part of me cannot accept the permanence of it. A tarsorrhaphy is most-often temporary. It’s almost always done with the understanding that it can be undone.

And it’s not pretty. I get embarrassed in public knowing that people wonder what is wrong with my eye. I have moments where I miss my old face and don’t like this new one very much. But I also look in the mirror and tell myself “it’s only temporary”, “this too shall pass”.

A gold weight is a more permanent solution. It can be undone, of course, but it implies that the facial paralysis that I have might be permanent. I’m not sure I’m ready to entertain that thought yet.

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